Who Let My Brain Out of its Cage?

Originally published June 30th, 2016 on http://www.arlene-bozich.com

Two Show Day, Two Doe Shay! It’s the second Two Show Day for “The Drowsy Chaperone”! And after successfully putting the wrong shoe on each foot as I woke up to go to the gym this morning (standing up was a confusing process), I’ve realized I have completely lost my mind.

This week, we entered what I call “Full Swing” at Monomoy. That’s three different shows being worked at once. So, mornings belong to “Arms and the Man”, afternoons are “One Man, Two Guvnors”, and evenings are for performing “The Drowsy Chaperone”.

Except on Two Show Day. This Two Show Day belongs to “Drowsy”. And, as an actor with little-to-absolutely-freaking-zero talent in the singing/dancing realm compared to the ridiculously talented individuals around me, I seem to have lost my mind in Musical Land.

So here’s the stream of consciousness mess from the second show. Enjoy the descent into madness:

7:01pm: WHO PUT THIS OPEN SAFETY PIN ON THE FLOOR? !@@$%#@!$@…..

7:17pm: If there is a God in heaven, these tights will last through the last three performances.

7:27pm: How much more makeup can I cake on my face before I get mistaken for a drag queen?

7:29pm: “Is it me or the zipper?”. I ask myself that everyday, Caroline.

7:32pm: Coffee is the lifeblood of theatre. How much more can I chug before this show?

7:37pm: This body shaper makes me look so much better than I have any excuse to look. Bless the genius who created this tomfoolery.

7:40pm: When is that coffee going to hit? Jeeze.

7:42pm: I’m warm, right? I don’t need to warm up. I mean, I did leg day this morning and my thighs are still buzzing. I’ll just poke my bruises. That counts as a warm-up, right?

7:44pm: Wig. Stop. Stop that falling apart crap. You were $10 and you’re fighting valiantly- three more performances. Stop. Falling. Apart.

7:45pm: Actually, I wouldn’t look half bad with a full time bob-cut.

7:48pm: You can’t make me go onstage again today. I’ll run away. I mean, I’ll hide in my room, but run away. Yeah.

7:50pm: THE COFFEE HIT.

-Places for Top of Show.-

8:19pm: Opening number was a success. Didn’t die. Didn’t kill anyone. Still shaking from the coffee.

8:20pm: This wig is starting to resemble a dead raccoon. Maybe the audience won’t notice. Alex is a genius for giving me this hat with it.

8:22pm: Alan Rust, King of the Over Dramatic Moment. He’s killing it out there, the man gets entrance applause almost every show.

8:24pm: If I have even half of the talent that the Kyles have during the “Cold Feet” tap number, I’ll die happy.

8:25pm: This monitor might explode before the end of this performance. The shaking is getting violent.

8:26pm: Karis Gallant Yawn Count (while she’s been prepping for “Show Off”): 6 Yawns.

-Places for “Show Off” (because for some ungodly reason they put my stupid ass in a dance number. Everyone else is amazing, so that’s good)-

8:40pm: Done for Act Oneeeee, Done for Act Oneeee, sitting around in my bra and shaper cuz I’m done for Act Oneeeeeee!

8:46pm: Coffee wore off. Nap time?

8:49pm: COLLEEN WELSH. Even over a monitor older than most of the United States, the woman sounds like a goddess. How?!

8:50pm: “I just want to be drunk right now.” – Anonymous. But really, that’s everyone inner thought about halfway through any show.

8:51pm: Everyone in this dressing room is now singing along with Colleen. She does it better, but this is as magical as a Disney Sing-Along-Song. Better, even.

8:52pm: Gold Buddha Makeup Happy Fun Time!

8:55pm: How does Origami work?

9:04pm: I don’t have time for Origami.

9:06pm: Pros of wearing gold face makeup: When you take it off, your skin still glows a little.

9:07pm: Oh hell, my keyboard is covered in gold. And my phone.

9:08pm: Did Buddha contour his face?

9:09pm: Contoured Buddha achieved.

9:11pm: TOLEDO SURPRISE OVER THE MONITOR IS MURDERING MY EARS, OW, DEAR GOD, END THIS END THIS END THIS AHHHHHHHHHH

9:13pm: Toledo was pretty good tonight.

9:15pm: Intermission: I have friends again!

9:16pm: Best part of intermission: Molly’s Show Update. Brought to you by Actors Who Can’t Take Notes

9:17pm: Fine, I’ll put on the Buddha costume now.

9:18pm: I look like a pregnant Oscar. At least my mother thinks I’m pretty.

-Time for a little sentimental racism with “Nightingale”. I think the audience is still alive…not sure at this point-

9:20pm: Karis is sexy and I love her.

9:35pm: OUR SENTIMENTAL RACISM GOT APPLAUSE TODAY! Yay for racial insensitivity in old pieces of theatre!

9:36pm: And, apparently, Karis is sexy and I love her.

9:39pm: Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey Monkey ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

9:40pm: Fuck yes cymbal crashes.

9:41pm: Shelby is now wearing every single veil in the show at once. It’s pretty impressive.

9:43pm: Do you think people will mind if the Superintendent glows gold? Screw it.

9:44pm: Bill Kux is a king among men for dealing with this audience.

9:46pm: “You know when you don’t want to physically do things? Like, I don’t even want to lift my arms” – Maddie Vice. You have no idea.

9:47pm: Colleen realizing she needed to bring her fur shawl with her to wrap around her shoulders, not her pants, might be the best representation of how this show is going.

-Time for the most nerve wracking part of the show. Helping with Caroline’s Costume Change. And my final scene, but mostly the costume change-

10:08pm: To the man front and center who popped up immediately when curtain call began and who was also at the matinee today- you’re the best person in the world. Really.

That’s all, folks!

P.S.- Greg, we saw you taking selfies in the lobby. We see you, brah. We see you.

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